Ask a scholar sept 2025
- 1. Can a woman in ‘iddah (the waiting period after her husband’s death) leave her home to visit family or friends?
- Yes, she can. A woman observing ‘iddah after her husband’s death is allowed to leave her home to visit close family or female friends—whether during the day or at night—as long as she feels safe, doesn’t wear makeup or perfume, and returns home to sleep each night.
- What Is ‘Iddah?
‘Iddah is a waiting period that a woman observes after her husband passes away. It’s a time for grief, reflection, and spiritual healing.
For most women, it lasts four months and ten days.
If the woman is pregnant, her ‘iddah continues until she gives birth.
This is based on verses from the Qur’an:
“And those among you who die and leave wives behind—they shall wait for four months and ten days.”
(Qur’an, 2:234)
“And for those who are pregnant, their waiting period is until they deliver.”
(Qur’an, 65:4)
In early Islam, the mourning period was a full year. Later, Allah shortened it, making it easier while still keeping its spiritual benefits. - What’s the Purpose of ‘Iddah?
The purpose of ‘iddah is not to isolate the widow or punish her. Instead, it’s a sacred time with many benefits:
Grieving and healing after loss
Obeying a command from Allah
Clarity—especially if the woman is pregnant and may remarry later
During this period, the woman remains in her home and refrains from beautification, such as wearing makeup, perfume, jewelry, and brightly colored clothes, as a sign of mourning (ḥidād). - Can She Leave Her Home?
Yes, she can—with conditions. Islam is a practical and compassionate religion. It recognizes that total isolation during grief can harm a person emotionally and mentally. That’s why, as long as she follows specific guidelines, it’s entirely permissible for her to:
Visit family—like her parents, siblings, or children.
See close female friends or neighbors for comfort and conversation.
Go out at night, if she feels safe, if she comes home to sleep.
Run essential errands, such as grocery shopping or visiting the doctor. - A Story from the Prophet’s Time
There is a beautiful example from the time of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. After the Battle of Uhud, several men were martyred, and their widows lived close to each other. They came to the Prophet ﷺ and said:
“O Messenger of Allah, we feel lonely at night. Can we sleep in one house together, then return to our own homes in the morning?”
The Prophet ﷺ replied:
“Talk together in one of your homes if you like. But when it’s time to sleep, each of you should go back to her own home.”
(Reported by ʿAbd al-Razzāq and al-Bayhaqī)
This shows that visiting and finding support is allowed, if she returns to her own home to sleep. - What Are the Conditions for Leaving?
A woman in ‘iddah can leave the house if these three conditions are met:
She feels safe and secure.
She avoids adornment—no perfume, makeup, fancy clothes, or jewelry.
She sleeps in her own home every night. That remains her primary residence during ‘iddah. - Why This Flexibility Matters
Islam does not want to make life harder for someone who is grieving. The goal of ‘iddah is to help the widow heal, reflect, and regain strength, not to cut her off from her loved ones.
Total isolation can lead to emotional distress and even illness. That’s not what Islam wants. Instead, it offers a balance: a time for rest and remembrance, as well as room for connection and support. - To Conclude:
- A woman in ‘iddah after her husband’s death is allowed to go out to visit close family or friends, or to handle essential needs.
She must avoid beautification, ensure her safety, and sleep in her own home each night.
This ruling is supported by the Qur’an, Prophetic guidance, and the teachings of classical Islamic scholars.
And Allah knows best.
- Assalam Alaikum Shaykh, I hope this email finds you well. I really like a guy in my university but my father brings the issue of kafaah and has disagreed to the marriage and he says that Islam doesn’t give me this right to marry the man of my choice as he’s not compatible and as a wali he can reject him and I will have to stay in this painful situation and let go of my love. I don’t think it makes sense to me. We’re Syed and he says that I should marry my cousin as he’s a Syed too. Please help me. Is it permissible for a wali to reject a woman’s choice because of incompatibility? Do I’ve no right to marry the one I love? Isn’t the character most important thing?
I understand your frustration. Your parents are wrong to forbid your marriage based on lineage or ethnicity. There is no Islamic basis for their belief that Syeds must marry only within their lineage. The Prophet (peace be upon him) never taught such a thing. He and his descendants married people of diverse backgrounds, prioritizing faith and character.
Compatibility in marriage is about shared values, spirituality, and morals—the factors that truly matter for a lasting union. The Prophet (peace be upon him) emphasized choosing a partner of good character and faith, warning that disregarding this would lead to strife and corruption.
Islam grants both men and women the freedom to choose their spouse, ideally with parental consent. However, the ultimate decision rests with the individuals as long as their choice is religiously compatible.
If you have chosen someone who meets these criteria, your parents cannot rightfully object. It is your life and your future. As the Prophet (peace be upon him) affirmed a woman’s right to choose her husband, you, too, have the right to choose your partner.
Parents can only intervene if their child’s choice is morally or religiously questionable. In such a case, proceeding against their wishes would invalidate the marriage. However, if their objection is solely based on race, culture, or ethnicity, you can seek assistance from other authorities.
Remember, both you and your chosen partner must assert your rights and communicate your decision to your parents, as this is crucial in Islam. If direct communication is difficult, involve respected community members known for their wisdom.