Ask a Scholar May 23

ASK A MUSLIM SCHOLAR MAY 2023

 

Assalam o Alaikum. I am in a tough situation and want guidance. We have 2 children together. We have been married for almost 12 years but have known each other for almost 20 years.slI settled in America and we got married after I secured a job. In the past few years and especially in the past 2 years I have started to dislike this country’s environment for my children’s upbringing. I have expressed interest to move to a muslim country with a possibility of better pay and better environment for my children, but my wife and her mother refuse to accept it. Infact whenever I start talking about this topic she starts a fight to a point where we are yelling at each other and my wife starts physically pushing me. She even starts crying loudly asking Allah to destroy me for upsetting her peace. She also said that her relationship ended with her. I hv tried all ways. Her mother supports her decision. What should I do?

 

 

I am sorry to hear about your predicament. Did you have any agreement with your wife when you got married? For example, did you tell her she will not be asked to move to another country? If you made any such commitment, you ought to abide by it.

If not, see how you can persuade her to understand your concerns and anxieties about your children’s future and Islamic upbringing. Perhaps you may ask the editor of aboutislam.net to refer you to a professional Muslim counselor they know. I see some of them appearing on their site from time to time. A counselor will be the best person to help you in this matter.

Suppose your wife does not agree to the move. In that case, consider another alternative: To move closer to an excellent Islamic center where you can enroll your children in proper classes and other activities to help them keep their Islamic identity.

Moving to a Muslim country will not guarantee your children’s Islamic future. I know many families who returned from Muslim countries and strengthened their Islamic identity only after settling down in North America. So, it is all about what you do with your children. You may do well to remember that children learn what they practice at home. So, start by practicing Islam at home.

The practice of Islam is not limited to rote learning or performing such rituals; instead, it should include practical morals and ethical living. I urge you to get the following book, study it with your wife, and practice its lessons. Meeting the Challenge of Parenting in the West: An Islamic Perspective by Ekram Beshir and Mohamed Rida Beshir.

I pray to Allah to help you sort out your issues and reconcile with your wife and thus give you peace of mind and comfort.

 

Is it permissible to disobey my husband’s wish to relocate to a different city for work if he is not honoring his promise to not have us relocate to a different city?

 

If your husband made a promise at the time of marriage not to relocate to a different city or country, he must abide by it. Hence, if he were to break the same, you can ask for a divorce.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Of all the terms of the contracts we are obligated to comply, nothing surpasses the terms of the contract agreed upon at the time of marriage.” (Reported by Bukhari and Muslim).

Islam teaches us to be faithful to our pledges and covenants. Allah says,  “The believers are those who are faithful to their trusts and covenants.” (Quran: 23: 8); and, ˹The faithful are (also) those who are true to their promises and covenants.” (Quran: 70:32)

Ibn Qudamah states the scholarly view on this as follows:
“If a husband promised his wife that he would not relocate her to another house or country or force her to travel or marry a second wife, he must abide by them. Therefore, she can dissolve the marriage if he fails to fulfill those conditions. This view has been attributed to Umar ibn al-Khattab, Saad ibn Abi Waqas, and Amr ibn al-As.”

In conclusion, your husband cannot force you to move without your permission; if he were to do that, he is breaking his marriage contract.

 

My father is writing his will we are 1 brother and two sisters. What is my share? Can my father give his son 90% of his wealth while he is alive?

Your father cannot gift his son 90% of his wealth while he is alive. It is a grave offense and a case of blatant discrimination.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) orders the parents to be fair and just in dealing with their children. Once a man approached the Prophet, saying: I want to give this son of mine a gift, and I want you to witness it. The Prophet asked him, did you give each of your children the same kind of gift? The man said, ‘No,’ then the Prophet told him, “No. I cannot be a witness to an unfair action.” (Reported by Muslim)

So, if your father wants to distribute his wealth to his children while he is alive, he should not discriminate; instead, he should divide it equally between the three of you.